Depression…
I face significant challenges with depression. I am on medication to assist me in managing it, yet there are days when life feels overwhelming. If you find yourself in a similar situation and have not yet addressed the trauma it can accumulate over time. I have experienced various forms of abuse throughout my life. However, overcoming these challenges has ultimately strengthened me and contributed to my growth as a person.
When I was a young girl, I often found myself in trouble, prompting my parents to reprimand me and attempt to correct my behavior. However, it wasn’t until my parents’ separation that I truly recognized a significant shift in the nature of my discipline. My father, who has long struggled with alcohol, was joined by my mother in this habit during that tumultuous period. While they grappled with the challenges of divorce, I don’t believe they fully comprehended the profound effect it had on me as a child.
Back then, counseling was often viewed negatively, seen as something to be embarrassed about and kept hidden. However, I have never shied away from expressing my feelings, even as a child. My free-spirited nature made it impossible for me to conceal my emotions. It was clear to those around me when something was amiss because I radiated happiness and positivity as a child. So, learning at a young age to stuff my emotions down to the pit of my stomach was the norm. My family set that standard in my brain at a young age.
As I matured, this behavior persisted. During my teenage years and into adulthood, I consistently repressed my emotions deep within. It was only in recent years that I began to understand the detrimental impact of such actions. Since losing my husband in 2019, facing the loss of my home a couple of years after the onset of Covid, and enduring the passing of my father in 2024, the weight of my unexpressed feelings became increasingly evident.
My depression went to a whole new level a scary level. I slipped into a depression so badly that I considered not being apart of this world. I was still on my medication at this time and was taking the max dose. My body was hurting from head to toe. I suffer from Thyroid issues. I also have Chronic Migraines, Hypertension, Depression, Anxiety, and a Compressed Spine from my neck all the way down. I think C7 is the only one that is not compressed. Additionally, I suffer from Fibromyalgia. The body keeps the score. If you have not read that book you need to!
I reached a critical point in my life. In that moment of despair, I sensed a greater presence guiding me, affirming that I possessed a meaningful purpose within this world. It compelled me to leave in my car and distance myself from the alluring, yet detrimental, prescription bottles. A profound sense of loneliness and fear enveloped me, overwhelming my emotions. Enduring prolonged pain exacts a heavy toll on one’s spirit. Nonetheless, during that pivotal time, my body instinctively guided me, overriding the chaos of my thoughts. For that, I am profoundly grateful.
I sought assistance from my doctor and enrolled in a support program that offered me the tools I needed to navigate my emotional struggles. Requesting help is neither a weakness nor a negative action; in fact, it takes considerable courage to admit that one needs support. Had I not confronted the distressing thoughts within my mind, I would not be in this position today, one where I can reflect on my journey with a sense of empowerment and hope. Therefore, make the effort to confront those thoughts and do not hesitate to seek help, whether from friends, family, or professionals.
Disregard societal teachings that instill shame regarding your feelings, as these myths only serve to deepen the struggles we face. Remember, depression is a tangible experience that can rob you of joy and connection; be resolute enough to initiate change for your own well-being, embracing the process of healing as a crucial part of your journey. Be Brave, Be Strong, Be Willing! You are worth it! Just remember you are not alone, and there are countless individuals who share similar experiences and who can provide support and understanding as you move forward.
Mastering My Purpose 